A not so happy update

Gray had almost a whole week of being a happy baby and we were certain that the colic was long gone. But yesterday we had a turn for the worse. He was fussy in the morning and then slept off and on most of the afternoon until 4:00 but then screamed for 5 hours straight. Over the past week he would still whine a little and have some fussy moments, as all babies do, but the past two afternoons have been the typical colic scream (you can't even call it a cry). He took one really good nap today but has been screaming since about 4:30. And as I've mentioned before, that is exactly the time that Paul leaves every day for soccer. It's still not been quite as bad as it was before because he is at least napping some and doesn't scream all day but it's certainly not just a typical fussy time. Tonight he was having gas pains and screaming so bad that he even refused to eat. We tried nursing and giving him a pumped bottle and he would have nothing of either one. We know it's bad when he won't eat because our boy doesn't miss meals for anything. My mama heart hurts. Bad.

I really thought that even if God was just giving me a break and the colic wasn't over, that I would be so grateful. And I am, truly. But it hasn't made the past two days any easier either. Now I know how happy and fun my sweet boy can be and I want it back so bad. I know he will never remember these days, but it just breaks my heart for him. I feel like he wants to be smiling and talking and making spit bubbles, not screaming and working himself into a sweat for hours and hours.

I was so hoping our little family of three was colic free and we were about to start experiencing a somewhat normal life again. You know, like going back to church or anywhere in public for that matter. I am praying hard that the past two days were just a fluke and we'll have a happy baby again tomorrow.

On a lighter note, Gray will be two months on Friday! I can't believe it. He doesn't go for his two month appointment until Tuesday so I'll probably wait and blog then so I can report his growth stats.

A touch of "normal"

Y'all, the past two days Gray has been like a golden child. Or I guess he's just been more like a "normal" baby. Pretty much all I've known as a mom the past month and a half is a pitiful, screaming baby. But yesterday and today have been complete opposite. He has only fussed when he has been hungry or tired and even that has been very minimal. It has been the best two days we've had in almost six weeks!! Now, I'm not sure if this is God just giving us a break, because I was seriously very close to having all I could handle, or if Gray is growing out of his colic. Even if it's just a temporary break, I am still grateful. He has been the most content, happiest and fun little guy and it does my heart so good to know that this is the baby we have to look forward to when this stupid colic sees its way out. We've gotten a lot of sweet smiles and he has actually taken naps during the day. Like real ones. Like more than 10 minutes and WITHOUT being held! Our big boy even slept six hours one night. Here are some pictures of what the past couple of days have been like.

Here's to hoping and praying we see a lot more of this from now on.

So about what I said...

Yeah so remember how in my last post I said I thought Gray was maybe starting to grow out of his colic? Welp, I'm gonna go ahead and take that back. I still don't think I should have "knocked on wood", but I do think that perhaps I spoke too soon. Do you also recall that really bad day I told y'all about? Well our poor little guy topped that day I and then some. On Sunday he was awake for 15 hours, with a total of maybe an hour and a half of sleep combined within those 15 hours. And I'd say it's safe to say he screamed for about 12 of those hours. My mom gave Paul and I a break and we went to dinner. As much as we needed one, as soon as I'm away from him I miss him like crazy and feel like I need to be the one with him, trying everything in this world to soothe his pain. But I know that Mama and Daddy need to take breaks because it is extremely physically, mentally and emotionally exhausting.

We called the pediatrician yesterday because we were really worried about the lack of sleep he was getting. He said that it wasn't going to hurt him and told us again that there was nothing we could do for him. He also said he thought this would be the worst week of the colic and I remember him saying that at his one month appointment too. I sure hope he's right because I can't imagine it getting any worse. It is so heart breaking to watch him in so much discomfort. And to be real about it, it's just really, really hard. Besides it being exhausting, it's frustrating to have such little control over it. There is usually NOTHING we can do to soothe him or calm him down. We drove around for three hours on Sunday night and he maybe slept a total of 15 minutes that entire time. At one point I jumped in the back seat (which is where I usually sit these days anyway) to make sure he was still breathing because he had screamed so hard he was completely silent for several seconds. We pulled into a parking lot at another point because I just couldn't take seeing him like that any longer. When we got him out of his car seat, he was completely drenched in sweat from being so worked up. It broke my heart. I would do anything in this world to take the pain away from him but I just can't. I know there will be so many times in his life as his mommy that I will feel that way and I know it probably won't ever be any easier.

I am so thankful that Paul is home at least some during the day. I  don't get any rest during that time because I am either nursing, pumping, washing bottles and pumping supplies or nursing or pumping. But it's still so much better when Daddy is home! I can't tell you how much I am already dreading him starting back to school in just a few weeks. Gray's most consistent fussy time is anywhere from 6:00 p.m. to 8:00 until about midnight. Paul is gone about four of those hours at soccer, which makes it even harder. Sometimes I have no choice but to put him down for a few minutes so I can go to the bathroom, but I just can't bear at this point to let him lay there and try to scream it out. Some evenings when I'm here by myself I don't even get to eat dinner until Paul gets home after 9:00. Thankfully my mom comes over quite a bit to help me out.

He is still sleeping pretty good at night though. I think he wears himself out so much during the day that he just tuckers out at night. We don't normally get him to sleep until about midnight but he'll normally sleep until at least 4:00 and sometimes 5:00, will go right back to sleep after that feeding and sleep another three hours.

We aren't getting out much since things are so unpredictable. Sometimes Paul and I are itching to get out of the house so we'll go out and run errands but a lot of the time only one of us can go in and the other has to stay in the car with him.

With all of this said though, we truly are so thankful that this is something temporary. We try our best to remind ourselves of the many children and parents who endure things that are so much harder and things that they will live with forever. And even in the midst of the screaming, I feel so very blessed to be a mama!

Gray lately

I'll try not to start every post this way, but dang time is going so fast and our boy is growing and changing every day! I think that Gray might be starting to grow out of his colic. Except for one really bad day, he has been much better for a little over a week now. Let me tell you more about that bad day...

It was last Saturday and of course was the first time Daddy was out of town all day. Gray stayed awake for seven hours straight except for two 15 minute cat naps. He cried for five of those hours. And I don't mean a whiny cry, I mean a full on colic scream. Bless his sweet heart. And mine too ;) After the first two hours I thought there was no way he could keep screaming too much longer, so I decided to be super mom and stick it out. Stupid! After the third hour I thought there was no way he could scream much longer so I still didn't call anyone to come over to help. Stupid again! After the fourth hour I thought there was NO way he could scream much longer. Super Mom was getting more and more stupid. And exhausted. I'd tried every position, bouncing, walking, talking, singing, every distraction and anything possible I could think of, all with no luck. During the fifth straight hour of screaming, my Gram called to check on us. She didn't have to ask how things were going when I answered the phone and all she could hear was screaming. My mom was over at her house helping her do some things but she left right away when she heard how long Gray had been fussing. Of course five minutes before she got to our house, he had finally had worn himself out and fallen asleep. Super Mom learned her lesson about assuming a baby can only scream for "so long". I was honestly very close to my breaking point by the end of the five hours. God won't give us MORE than we can handle, right?! Thankfully we haven't had a repeat of that day since then. I'd say "knock on wood", but I don't believe in that silliness. Anywho, I really think our sweet boy is starting to turn a corner. We can still hear gas rumbling in his tummy quite a bit, but I think he is just getting used to it and the fact that he is growing like a weed helps too.

Our Gray is changing day by day. Over the past week or so, he has really started becoming more aware of things around him. He is so curious and gets fixated on certain objects. He has also begun to follow objects with his eyes. He usually likes tummy time and is starting to enjoy his baths more. He is holding his head up more and more every day and pretty soon I don't even think he'll need us to support it anymore. He is starting to eat more at his feedings. It's hard to tell exactly how much he gets when he's nursing but I pump during the day so that Daddy can give him a bottle at night and he will take right about three ounces now. He has had some very good nights. He almost always sleeps at least three hours at a time but has made a lot of four hour stretches and even a couple five hour ones. Mommy and Daddy are so excited when that happens! Several days ago I got my first non-milk-coma smile from our sweet boy. Holy moly did it melt this mama's heart! He has done it a few times since then and so far I've teared up every time. I finally got my camera in time to catch one this morning. It's not the best picture, but it's certainly one of the best memories to date.

Here is some more Gray cuteness from lately...

1 month

How has it already been a month since our baby boy was born? I have a feeling I'm going to be saying things like that a lot.

It's been a wonderful month with our sweet Gray. He has grown and changed so much already. As I mentioned in my previous post, the last two-three weeks have been quite challenging though. Our little buddy has been quite the McFussy Pants. If you could hear and feel the gas in his tummy you'd know why. Bless his sweet heart.

He was scheduled for his one month check up tomorrow but the last couple of days have been so bad that I called first thing yesterday morning and got him an appointment for that morning. He is in so much pain the majority of the day and even though the medicines seem to be helping him some, I just couldn't stand another day of watching him be so miserable IF there was anything else that could be done for him. But after our visit with the pediatrician yesterday, it's official that our sweet boy has colic. Colic is basically defined by the amount of time a baby spends crying, due to some kind of discomfort, in which case his is very bad gas. And unfortunately, there isn't much you can do about it. We are going to keep giving him the probiotics, gas drops and gripe water because in case one or all three are really helping, we don't want to risk stopping them yet and things get even worse. The good news about colic is that it is temporary. The doctor said it usually goes away by 12 weeks. He also said that it usually doesn't start until 4-6 weeks so there is hope that since Gray's started so much earlier, it will go away sooner too. We are praying constantly for God to heal our sweet little booger. He has slept almost ALL day today-certainly the most he has slept in almost 3 weeks. Poor guy is so exhausted from not getting the sleep that he needs and I think it finally caught up with him.

We were so excited to hear that Gray's weight had gone up again. Just two weeks ago he weighed 8 pounds, 5 ounces and yesterday he weighed 9 pounds, 12 ounces! It sure makes this nursing mama feel good about things. His head and weight are right in the 50th percentile. He had grown a half inch, putting him at 22 1/2 inches, which is right at the 85th percentile. He obviously got his height from his mama. Ha! He is wearing size one diapers and mostly 0-3 month size clothes, although there are a few newborn things that he can still squeeze into.

Our little man is quite the stud. He is so strong it's almost freaky. He rolled over at a week and a half and his head is crazy strong already. When we're holding him up on our shoulders, which is his favorite position because of his gassy tummy, he can completely lift his head by himself and look around. He can stand up with his legs completely straight when you hold him by his arms on your lap. And I'm not kidding you when I say he looks like he is going to crawl away every time we do tummy time. He can also lift his head and turn it to the other side when on his tummy.

Although I certainly don't want time to go any faster, we are loving watching him grow and change and look forward to all of his amazing milestones. It is crazy how much we love Gray already. Feeling super humbled and blessed to be his mama!

I love this picture of him holding up ONE finger! :)

How things are going

Well for starters, things are going by way too fast! Gray will  be one month on Tuesday. He has already changed and grown SO much since he was born. As I blogged about before, the entire first week of his life was a complete blur to me because of how hard of a time I had recovering from labor and then getting sick. The past 3 weeks have been great, but very difficult at the same time. The first week and a half of Gray's life, he was the "perfect" baby-he only cried when he was hungry and he literally slept or was very happy the entire rest of the time. After that we noticed here and there that he was getting fussy and it gradually got worse and worse. At his second weight check at the pediatrician, we discussed things with the doctor and for that time ruled out allergies, thrush, colic and acid reflux. There have been several times (mostly during the middle of the night, of course) where he screamed for hours, even after being fed and changed. It is so hard watching him like that and feeling so helpless. Since day one, our little man has been quite gassy. At first we thought his little farts were so cute over the past week and a half or so we've confirmed that his fussiness is a result of bad gas and it is giving our sweet guy a lot of discomfort. The pediatrician told us about a pro-biotic to try so he has been taking that along with gas drops and gripe water for a week now. Things are A LOT better, but there are still times where he is in pain and is very hard to sooth. Paul has been the most amazing daddy and husband through all of this. He is so involved and helpful and I can't imagine doing this without him. We've recently started taking shifts at night. I pump during the day and Paul gives him a bottle at one of his night feedings. That has helped this tired mama feel a lot better. There is usually at least one time during the night where we have a hard time getting him back down. We are trying to get into a nightly routine, but it's hard this early. His skin is very dry so we haven't wanted to bathe him every single night. He does seem to sleep better when he's had a bath. I'm not sure if that's because he is worn out from screaming the entire time (I sure hope he likes baths better as he gets a little older) or if it just makes him feel better.

At his second weight check appointment, the doctor noticed that Gray's left hip was clicking. He didn't think it was anything to worry about but wanted us to get an ultrasound done just to make sure nothing was dislocated. We took him to Brenner's that Friday and he was such a champ.

The ultrasound confirmed that everything is just fine with his little hip. Praise the Lord!

We are learning more about Gray every day-his cries, his adorable facial expressions, how he likes to be held, what helps his gas to get worked out, etc. We are exhausted but are having so much fun with our sweet boy. I am so, so thankful that Paul has the time he does to be home with us this summer. Not only is the help so needed, but it is the sweetest thing in the world for me to watch my husband with our baby boy. Despite being tired, I am feeling great. It is so nice not to waddle anymore, to be able to sleep at night (even if it is only a couple of hours at a time), not to have to pee every 10 minutes, to be able to shower like a normal person, I could go on and on. I am hoping to start exercising very soon. I lost a little over 30 pounds in the first week and a half after having Gray, but things have been at a stand still since then and I still have quite a belly to work off. Almost 15 pounds of belly actually. Yes, that means this big mama gained almost 45 pounds! Only 15 over what I was hoping for ;) Even still, it is so much lighter than the huge load I was carrying before.

We have been so blessed by people bringing us meals since Gray was born. Between our wonderful family, friends and Sunday school class at church, we haven't had to cook one meal. It has helped SO much not having to worry about cooking and/or cleaning up. My good friend Renna who has been in the hospital on bed rest with pre-term labor even had a meal delivered to us! It has been truly humbling!

Mama and Daddy have even been away from Gray a few times already. We went out for our anniversary and Paul's parents watched him. My mom has kept him for a couple hours twice-once Paul and I went to dinner and ran some errands and the other time we went to the pool for a little while. I am thankful that we have family around who are willing begging for us to get out so they can keep Gray. It was definitely hard leaving him, but we figured the sooner we did it the easier it would be. I really want to keep our marriage first and I think it is very important that Paul and I make time for just the two of us.

I officially quit my job this week. Although Paul and I have planned on me being a stay at home mommy since before we got married, it was a different feeling when I actually resigned. We will have to make huge sacrifices to live this lifestyle. We certainly have never lived large anyway, but we will still have to make a lot of changes. Instead of sushi dates, we might have to enjoy Taco Bell instead. And it will be so worth it. I know my new job as a full time mom will not be easy, but it is definitely the right thing for our family at this time and I am thrilled to be able to raise our son.

Gray goes to the doctor on Thursday for a one month check up. I am so curious to see how much he weighs. Stay tuned!

Newborn Pics

My BF Lindsey who has also become our family photographer, came over to capture some sweet shots of Gray when he was just 10 days old. She got some great pictures while he was in a milk coma. There were a lot of ideas we didn't get to because we ran out of daylight and Gray woke up and decided he'd had enough. We were so happy with how they turned out though and will definitely treasure these sweet shots forever. Here are some of my favorites for those of you who aren't on Facebook. For those of you who are and have already seen these, I do not apologize for you having to look at the cutest baby in the world again ;)

Our wedding photographer stopped by to meet Gray just two days after we got home from the hospital. He was kind enough to take some shots of Gray has a gift to us. We are so blessed with such generous people in our lives! Here are a few from him...