You'll never guess what...

Our sweet boy is teething already! I've heard of babies teething as early as 10 weeks and Gray will be 12 on Sunday, but I'd really hoped that wouldn't be the case for us. I hoped we've have a few weeks of a consistently happy baby between colic and teething, but I guess not. A couple of weeks ago he started drooling really bad but didn't have any other symptoms of teething and at his two month check up our pediatrician said that sometimes babies just drool. Welp, we are certain that that isn't the case anymore. The one thing Gray has had pretty down pat through all of the roughness is sleeping, especially at night anyway and he's gotten to be a pretty good napper too (if we are home, of course). He hasn't slept great the past couple of nights and a few days ago he started chewing on his hands but it was different than the way he's done it before. Yesterday he fought sleep from noon to midnight-only sleeping about 20 minutes at a time. He's had a slight fever and has been sneezing up a storm. We can't see the tooth yet but we think we can see where it is trying to come in. We finally gave him some tylenol late last night and he slept about six hours.

I am hoping to join a Wednesday morning Bible study at my church during soccer season until I can meet back with my girls in the evenings. Today was the first day. I've hardly been anywhere this week because I dread how upset Gray gets every time we get in the car. I was so excited to get out. To be around women. Or just adults for that matter! And especially excited to get back into a Bible study. Within about a half hour they were coming to get me. I got up to his room and he had settled down. They had more babies than they'd expected and Gray did not tolerate being put down for very long and he was already fussy from a lack of sleep and his poor gums being sore. They told me to go back since he had stopped crying. It was hard, but I did. Of course I couldn't relax or focus the entire rest of the time though. When I got back up there to get him, they said he refused his bottle. I went right into the nursing mother's room and he chugged it. I am not bashing the child care at our church WHATSOEVER, because I know that first of all, I have an extremely high maintenance baby. But second, no one is ever going to take care of him the way Mommy and Daddy do. I've heard all my mommy friends say that and I now know exactly what they mean. He screamed the whole way home from church and I was close to doing the same. We'll give it a try again next week. I know things will get easier, I'm just starting to wonder how far away we are from that.

Our pediatrician was trying his best to encourage us last time we were there. He said Gray was an "extreme" case of a difficult baby and that it was more rare for him to be like this than not. He said the good news about us having such a difficult time with Gray is that baby number two will seem like a breeze one day. Praying now that he is right!

I truly don't mean for any of what I write on here to be a complaint. I am just being honest with myself and those of you that read this. I love our boy so much and as hard as things are, I would never go back to life before our Gray.

Hard

That's the first word that comes to mind when people ask me how being a mommy is going. I hate that the first word isn't "awesome" or "rewarding" or something of that nature, but honestly it just isn't right now. I do feel the awesomeness and the reward at times too, don't get me wrong. But it's been a tough week with G-man. I guess it's been more like a rough nine-ish weeks, since he was about 2 weeks old. He has spent very little time happy when he is awake this week. I have come to consider a good day one in which he has slept a lot. I hate it. I want my baby to be more content, more easy going. I want to see those sweet smiles and hear those coos more than I am. Daddy has been gone a lot too, which makes things harder. I have more and more respect for single moms every day. Some days I am needing a break by noon and we still have another nine hours before Daddy will even be home. He was also gone over night again last night. But he loves his job which helps make for a happy marriage and house and if he didn't coach I wouldn't be able to stay at home with Mr. Fussy Pants. Wait, so maybe he should consider quiting?! Kidding, kidding. Even on the hard days I still feel strong about being a stay at home mom. If anything, even more so on rough days because if I get frustrated at times, I can only imagine how someone caring for him who isn't his mommy would feel.

His gas has been much better since I've cut dairy and some other things out of my diet. I would still say the colic is much better and we don't see nearly as much of the screaming anymore. It's more just whinin and cryin. And I hope that all the fussin he's doing is the remains of colic and it will still get better, but I kind of have a feeling that he is just going to be a high maintenance baby. I know that even if that's the case, it won't last forever and we will have easier days. I am trying my hardest to keep perspective and be thankful that he is healthy and remember that things could be so much worse.

It sure does help that he is the cutest little booger I have ever laid my eyes on! ;)

Stay at home mom, day 2

Welp, today wasn't quite as successful as yesterday. Gray definitely didn't go back to sleep until 10:00, which was no big deal though because he was ready for nap number one by 8:30. I got a whole shower in and a little make up on before he was up. Two days in a row of a shower with no one else here is a big accomplishment! So I'm feeling good about the day and ready to get out and about. Stinky boy was almost out of diapers (again) so I decided we'd make a trip to Target. This would be my first trip to a "real" place with Gray by myself (other than the doctor or someone's house). You might be thinking that's pitiful, considering he is 10 weeks old. But errands with a colicky baby consisted of either Paul or I going into the place by ourselves and the other staying inside of the car with our screaming baby. So needless to say, we didn't get out much. But we don't have much choice now that Daddy is back to work and won't be home until late every evening. Errands gotta be ran, ya know?

So off we went. After my post yesterday, you won't be surprised to know he was screaming within two minutes of being in the car. No big deal though, I'd get him settled down as soon as we got there. I held him for a good five-ten minutes in the parking lot until he finally settled down and then it was back into the car seat and into the shopping cart he went. Well, we made it all the way from the car to inside of the store before he was crying again and had to be picked up. So far, our first trip out consisted of me holding a crying Gray and pushing the cart. But at least it was a cry and not a scream, right?! And it's amazing what I've learned to do with only one hand these days. He finally settled down again so I put him back in the car seat. He let me put a few things in the cart before he started crying again-what a sweet baby! ;) We had to spend quite a bit of time with the mops on the cleaning aisle before he settled down again. He finally fell asleep on my shoulder and I was able to put him back in his car seat long enough to check out and get the heck out of there. But wouldn't you know that he was screaming again within a minute of being in the car and screamed the entire way home. He was a drenched, sweaty mess by the time we got home.

I got him inside, fed him and he was a happy baby again. Then my friend Sarah called to say she and another friend, Traci, were going to be eating lunch at a restaurant right next door to our neighborhood and asked us to join. Since Gray would only have to be in the car for a minute, I thought we'd go for it. Well dang-it if the little booger didn't start up again within minutes of being there. Traci offered to hold him so I could eat but soon enough he was so loud he needed to exit the premises. So out I go, bouncing my crying baby until he was quiet enough for me to go back in and finish scarfing down my meal. I am not exaggerating when I say the stinker was sleep within seconds of being back home.

When we're home as soon as he gets tired, at the very first yawn even, I can swaddle him, put him in his swing and nine times out of ten he goes right to sleep without any fuss. But he will NOT be flexible about this if we are anywhere but home. I guess my new job as a stay at home mom will be taken more literally until Gray grows out of the I-hate-being-out-in-public-stage. For now anyway. I know that everything is a stage and there will certainly be worse things in my career as a mom. We'll keep venturing out when we can and it will either get better or we'll get more used to it not being perfect. Regardless, I am feeling just as blessed today to be this little guy's mama.

First day on the new job

Today is the first time in 8 years that I didn't return to school after summer break. Though I technically resigned with the school system over a month ago, it didn't really sink in until today, which is when teachers started back to work. That means that Daddy started back to work too. Although he did soccer camps and coached most of the summer, he was still home a lot more than he will be now. I am so thankful for the time we had together this summer; Gray seriously could not have been born at a more perfect time. But it really hit me when Paul got up to go to work this morning that I don't not have a job, I just have a new one-as a mom. I am sure any and all people who have children would agree that a stay at home mom is certainly a job, and not an easy one either. During the worst of Gray's colic days, there were times that I joked about getting my job back. And even though he is growing out of those days, I know there will probably be times to come when I wish I had a different job, at least for a few hours. But I know that my new job is the right one for our family right now and I truly am thankful and excited about it.

I'd say I've had a pretty successful day at my new job. Gray went back to sleep this morning until 10:00, which was awesome because we missed a lot of sleep over the weekend (add black beans to the list of things I can no longer eat while nursing). He went down for his first nap at 11:00 and slept almost an hour so I was able to get a shower without anyone being here, which is a miracle! Then we went to see Daddy at work. He was dying to show Gray off to all of his staff. He screamed the whole way there and back, but other than that he has been a very happy boy today and has been napping for over two hours already this afternoon!

The next few months are going to be hard because Paul will be teaching all day and coaching all evening. Soccer season is in full swing and most days during the week he will not even be able to see Gray (awake anyway) because of practices and games. I am hoping that Gray and I can make it to some games but right now he is in a pretty serious schedule mode for the evenings and likes to go to bed around 8:00 or 9:00. He won't go to sleep just anywhere, so it ends up being a nightmare when we're out that time of evening. I always said I wasn't going to let our family be dictated by our baby's schedule, but our evenings are based on his schedule for the most part and it's just what's best for right now. Also, it has been recently confirmed that Gray HATES the car. I know, I know-most babies love the car, but not ours. It was hard to tell before if that was the case because screaming was just something that occurred most all of the time. But there is no doubt at this point that our little guy is high maintenance about that too. So anytime we are out in the evenings when he is already fussy, heading home is a complete disaster because he hates the car so much that he screams bloody murder the whole way home and and is extremely worked up by the time we get there. So I think we will just have to take things one day at a time and if we make it to some games it will be great, but if we don't there is always next year. We will still be Daddy's number one fan whether we are there or not. And I'm sure Gray and I will be making many trips to Dad's school for lunch, at least during soccer season.

I am blessed and humbled to be able to say I can't wait to go to "work" tomorrow!

2 months

The past month has been challenging, to say the least. I'd always heard of colicky babies but had no idea how difficult it really was. And unless you've had a baby with colic or been around one a great deal, I don't think I can make you understand it either. My mom told me recently about a lady she used to work with who had a baby with severe colic. My mom was telling her about Gray and she shared some struggles with my mom that she'd had with her child. This is a very nice, normal and great mother but she had an extremely hard time dealing with it. She told my mom that she finally decided to seek help the day she considered putting her screaming baby in the microwave. She didn't plan on turning it on, but it would be a place that she could get some relief for a little while. A good friend of mine who has been extremely thoughtful and serving to me during this time, told me that her brother had colic and her mom went through severe post partum depression because of it. I am here to tell you that I might have judged those stories before hand, but never now. Though I did not quite get to the point of depression or ever consider putting Gray in the microwave, I have had some really difficult days. Even Paul, who is one of the most patient and laid back people I know, has had a very tough time dealing with it. But God has seen us through the past 7 weeks now and just when we thought we couldn't take any more, He'd give us a good day or two with our sweet boy.

At two months, I am thankful to say that I think he is finally starting to grow out of it. I've said that a couple of times before so I guess growing out of it means he'll have some good days and some bad days until it's gone for good. He had a solid week that was great and we thought it was completely gone but that was followed by a really rough few days last week. Now we are on a good streak again. I have also cut dairy completely out of my diet and that seems to be making a difference too. Dairy is probably my most favorite food group, so it's been quite a sacrifice. But I'd do anything in this world for my sweet boy to be pain free and happy. More than it being a sacrifice, it's just been really hard to pay attention to what things have dairy that I would have never thought of. I was going to order a chicken souvlaki sandwich the other day but remembered that tzatziki sauce is yogurt based. I've been reading the labels on almost everything before I eat it and dang if it doesn't ALL seem to have some kind of dairy product in it. The first morning that I drank non-dairy creamer in my coffee I thought I'd rather just not have it anymore. But then I realized coffee is an essential in getting me through the day so I'm getting used to it. And the almond milk that I've been using in my cereal is surprisingly not bad at all. But dang I am wanting some cheese like something fierce. In finding a positive in this though, perhaps cutting dairy out will help me shed the last almost 15 pounds of unwanted pre-baby chub.

I am so excited about being able to get out more now that Gray doesn't spend most of every day screaming. We went to church on Sunday for the second time in 12 weeks.

He was 9 weeks on Sunday and even though he was extremely happy, we thought it was time to go ahead and put him in the nursery. He is starting to really "talk" a lot and we didn't want him to be a distraction to us or anyone else in service. A sweet lady I know was in the nursery when we dropped him off and my mom came in an hour later, so I felt really good leaving him. He was a big boy and didn't have any problems at all. This is a huge accomplishment!

Gray had his two month appointment today. I thought he handled his shots like a champ. He didn't scream nearly as long as he did during the physical exam when the doctor put that cold stethoscope on his belly.

But even that was nothing that a little snuggling with Daddy couldn't fix.

 Too bad they don't do hand measurements. He'd be breaking records on that one for sure!

He has been running a fever tonight but is being such a trooper about it and was ready for bed even earlier than usual.

And now for some more milestone updates. At two months Gray...

weighs 12 pounds, 1 ounce-55th percentile

is 23 1/4 inches long-59th percentile (averaging out here-down from 85th percentile last month)

head measurement is 15 3/4 inches-47th percentile

snuggle measurement-off the charts! ;)

is getting more and more head control and I think he'll be sitting in his bumbo in no time

is starting to coo and talk a lot-it is the sweetest thing!!

smiles at the sound of Mama and Daddy's voices

smiles when he looks at himself in the mirror

smiles when we touch his nose

still wears size one diapers, though I think he'll be in a size two before long

wears 0-3 month clothes

gets a bath every other day. His skin is not as dry anymore so as we work on getting more of a nightly routine, I may start giving him a bath every day. He loves baths if the water is extremely warm. Getting out and dried off is a whole 'nother story ;)

still loves to be swaddled

eats about 4-5 ounces at each feeding (I can only tell how much by the pumped bottles he gets once or twice a day)

sleeps 5-6 hours during the first stretch at night, then another 2-3 the next stretch. He is starting to have somewhat of a sleep schedule! He's gone from screaming until midnight to wanting to go to bed around 9:00 or 10:00 every night. He'll usually sleep until 3:00 or 4:00, wake up to feed, goes right back to sleep, is up between 6:00 and 7:00 to eat again and is usually ready to play after that but will occasionally surprise Mama and get one more snooze in. He usually takes his first nap around 9:00 or 10:00. Naps the rest of the day are still inconsistent but the past several days he has taken a 2-3 hour nap in the late afternoon. One day he even took a four and a half hour nap. Can I get an "AMEN!!!" ;) He sleeps most of the night in the swing though and we are going to start transitioning to the crib soon, which I think is going to be a challenge. We are going to take the cradle out of the pack-n-play and start him in the regular part of it before moving to the crib. Then I am planning on doing some play time and naps in the crib before we try it at bedtime. Praying that it doesn't mess up his lovely sleep schedule at night!

Two month pictures were hard to get with our wiggly little man but they are still precious nonetheless. Of course we couldn't get the little booger to smile while we had him in his two month tie. We even tried on two different occasions. Stinker.

Daddy and I can't wait to see how Gray grows and learns in the next month!

A not so happy update

Gray had almost a whole week of being a happy baby and we were certain that the colic was long gone. But yesterday we had a turn for the worse. He was fussy in the morning and then slept off and on most of the afternoon until 4:00 but then screamed for 5 hours straight. Over the past week he would still whine a little and have some fussy moments, as all babies do, but the past two afternoons have been the typical colic scream (you can't even call it a cry). He took one really good nap today but has been screaming since about 4:30. And as I've mentioned before, that is exactly the time that Paul leaves every day for soccer. It's still not been quite as bad as it was before because he is at least napping some and doesn't scream all day but it's certainly not just a typical fussy time. Tonight he was having gas pains and screaming so bad that he even refused to eat. We tried nursing and giving him a pumped bottle and he would have nothing of either one. We know it's bad when he won't eat because our boy doesn't miss meals for anything. My mama heart hurts. Bad.

I really thought that even if God was just giving me a break and the colic wasn't over, that I would be so grateful. And I am, truly. But it hasn't made the past two days any easier either. Now I know how happy and fun my sweet boy can be and I want it back so bad. I know he will never remember these days, but it just breaks my heart for him. I feel like he wants to be smiling and talking and making spit bubbles, not screaming and working himself into a sweat for hours and hours.

I was so hoping our little family of three was colic free and we were about to start experiencing a somewhat normal life again. You know, like going back to church or anywhere in public for that matter. I am praying hard that the past two days were just a fluke and we'll have a happy baby again tomorrow.

On a lighter note, Gray will be two months on Friday! I can't believe it. He doesn't go for his two month appointment until Tuesday so I'll probably wait and blog then so I can report his growth stats.

A touch of "normal"

Y'all, the past two days Gray has been like a golden child. Or I guess he's just been more like a "normal" baby. Pretty much all I've known as a mom the past month and a half is a pitiful, screaming baby. But yesterday and today have been complete opposite. He has only fussed when he has been hungry or tired and even that has been very minimal. It has been the best two days we've had in almost six weeks!! Now, I'm not sure if this is God just giving us a break, because I was seriously very close to having all I could handle, or if Gray is growing out of his colic. Even if it's just a temporary break, I am still grateful. He has been the most content, happiest and fun little guy and it does my heart so good to know that this is the baby we have to look forward to when this stupid colic sees its way out. We've gotten a lot of sweet smiles and he has actually taken naps during the day. Like real ones. Like more than 10 minutes and WITHOUT being held! Our big boy even slept six hours one night. Here are some pictures of what the past couple of days have been like.

Here's to hoping and praying we see a lot more of this from now on.