So about what I said...

Yeah so remember how in my last post I said I thought Gray was maybe starting to grow out of his colic? Welp, I'm gonna go ahead and take that back. I still don't think I should have "knocked on wood", but I do think that perhaps I spoke too soon. Do you also recall that really bad day I told y'all about? Well our poor little guy topped that day I and then some. On Sunday he was awake for 15 hours, with a total of maybe an hour and a half of sleep combined within those 15 hours. And I'd say it's safe to say he screamed for about 12 of those hours. My mom gave Paul and I a break and we went to dinner. As much as we needed one, as soon as I'm away from him I miss him like crazy and feel like I need to be the one with him, trying everything in this world to soothe his pain. But I know that Mama and Daddy need to take breaks because it is extremely physically, mentally and emotionally exhausting.

We called the pediatrician yesterday because we were really worried about the lack of sleep he was getting. He said that it wasn't going to hurt him and told us again that there was nothing we could do for him. He also said he thought this would be the worst week of the colic and I remember him saying that at his one month appointment too. I sure hope he's right because I can't imagine it getting any worse. It is so heart breaking to watch him in so much discomfort. And to be real about it, it's just really, really hard. Besides it being exhausting, it's frustrating to have such little control over it. There is usually NOTHING we can do to soothe him or calm him down. We drove around for three hours on Sunday night and he maybe slept a total of 15 minutes that entire time. At one point I jumped in the back seat (which is where I usually sit these days anyway) to make sure he was still breathing because he had screamed so hard he was completely silent for several seconds. We pulled into a parking lot at another point because I just couldn't take seeing him like that any longer. When we got him out of his car seat, he was completely drenched in sweat from being so worked up. It broke my heart. I would do anything in this world to take the pain away from him but I just can't. I know there will be so many times in his life as his mommy that I will feel that way and I know it probably won't ever be any easier.

I am so thankful that Paul is home at least some during the day. I  don't get any rest during that time because I am either nursing, pumping, washing bottles and pumping supplies or nursing or pumping. But it's still so much better when Daddy is home! I can't tell you how much I am already dreading him starting back to school in just a few weeks. Gray's most consistent fussy time is anywhere from 6:00 p.m. to 8:00 until about midnight. Paul is gone about four of those hours at soccer, which makes it even harder. Sometimes I have no choice but to put him down for a few minutes so I can go to the bathroom, but I just can't bear at this point to let him lay there and try to scream it out. Some evenings when I'm here by myself I don't even get to eat dinner until Paul gets home after 9:00. Thankfully my mom comes over quite a bit to help me out.

He is still sleeping pretty good at night though. I think he wears himself out so much during the day that he just tuckers out at night. We don't normally get him to sleep until about midnight but he'll normally sleep until at least 4:00 and sometimes 5:00, will go right back to sleep after that feeding and sleep another three hours.

We aren't getting out much since things are so unpredictable. Sometimes Paul and I are itching to get out of the house so we'll go out and run errands but a lot of the time only one of us can go in and the other has to stay in the car with him.

With all of this said though, we truly are so thankful that this is something temporary. We try our best to remind ourselves of the many children and parents who endure things that are so much harder and things that they will live with forever. And even in the midst of the screaming, I feel so very blessed to be a mama!